Humor » Cristian0's Blog

ALTERRA Coffee does not even call to say thanks…

Jan 302012

One morning craving caffeine, I decided to try the coffee machine at the office because I was too lazy to brew some real coffee. This machine comes with little packages that you can just insert into the machine to brew the coffee of your choice. So, I figured I will try the Colombian, how bad could it be? It was not horrible but the geography on the cover shows all hope is lost for the education system in America.

The one on the left is correct but the one on the right has the North Pacific Ocean north of Panama and the Caribbean Sea in the middle of the Atlantic. I wrote a letter to point this out to ALTERRAcoffee.com and to tell them to put the Caribbean Sea where they had the North Pacific Ocean. I never heard back from them, but to my surprise a couple of months after my letter they actually fixed their packaging. I thought it was hilarious that they actually corrected it and I was kinda disappointed that they did not even sent me a thank you note or you know… a cup of coffee? :p

Who Is Who?

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Sep 122011

A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.
A Marketing Manager/Requirements Person is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby

Facebook was making me dumb

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Jul 272011

As if I don’t have enough stuff in my life to make me dumber, friends and family micro-blogging (aka Facebook) was not helping at all. Therefore, I decided to quit Facebook and you might be wondering why. Well, probably not but bear with me, let’s say you do. I completely skipped the whole MySpace era because I was in college in graduate school so I barely had time to breathe. I had no time to waste online, and the little time I spent on the computer not coding or writing papers was spent checking my email and cleaning up the spam or clicking on the “unsubscribe” link that actually tells spammers that it is a valid email.

Anyways, I would actually read forums where knowledgeable people would gather and discuss topics and most of the time this was productive. There was a certain level of anonymity that encouraged people to be more open and actually ask questions in order to learn something. On the other hand, it is extremely difficult to have these kinds of conversations in social networks. This could entirely mean that my “friends” are retards. Plenty of them are geeks that can’t admit they are wrong and end up trolling. But, they might also just pretend they know something when in fact they are clueless and make it up as they go. The problem arises mostly because access or interest to the thread is limited to your dumb friends.
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Passing the buck Comcast style!

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Jun 302011

Problem: why is my port 8080 blocked?
Christian > My Issue: why is my port 8080 blocked?
Lim Un > Hello Christian, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Lim Un. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Lim Un > Hi! Welcome to Comcast! How may I help you?
Christian > I am hosting a WHS 2011 in my computer in port 80 without problem but Comcast is blocking 8080 79 81 and other ports. I can not host a SVN server at the same time. Can you please unlock these ports for me?
Lim Un > I understand how frustrating this might be, Christian. I apologize for the inconvenience. Rest assured I will do everything within my means to address your concern today.
Lim Un > For me to further assist you, may I have your account number, account name and the last 4 digits of your SNN.
Christian > acc# XXXXXXXXX acc name CHRIS RIOS ssn XXXX
Lim Un > Thank you for the information, please give me a minute or two to pull up your account.
Lim Un > Oh by the way, do you know that you can protect your computer, files and your identity without slowing down your PC (or Mac). Get Norton Security Suite, a $160 dollar value, AT NO ADDITIONAL COST with your Comcast High-Speed Internet subscription. You can check out www.comcast.net/security for more information.
Lim Un > You want to unblock the other ports for you to be able to access other sites, am I getting this right>?
Lim Un > Are you still there?
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Best Buy chat almost timed out because they don’t talk

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Nov 242010

The wife is talking to the Best Buy representative when suddenly….

what the hell indeed!

The Google Alphapet

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Nov 172010

Today, I noticed that if I type only one letter in Google using the dynamic search result. It will return the most popular or relevant website that starts with that letter. So, here is the Alphabet by Google.

Amazon
Bank of America
Craigslist
Dictionary
eBay
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A Kinetic Experience

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Nov 152010

The wife is reading on her Kindle in the bedroom while I am playing Call of Duty: Blacks Ops on my PC with my headset on. Then, the apartment starts to shake, the ceiling fan is about to drop, and it sounds like a stampede is going by. My wife and I grew up in Central America surrounded by volcanoes. So thinking that it is a small earthquake, I start running to a door frame when I realized it is very easy to walk because the ground is not moving. Now I am a bit scared because I am thinking it might be a tornado since this is common in the Southern United States where we live. I go look out the window and there are clear skies when the shaking suddenly stops.

A minute has passed now when we realized, the sounds are coming from upstairs. I go up there thinking somebody went UFC on somebody else’s ass. I knock on the door, and this thin short white college kid opens the door. I asked him if he was okay because my apartment was about to come down on me. At that moment, he apologizes saying that he and his friend were playing a new Xbox 360 game where you play by moving around. Of course, he tells me this while he points to a Kinect for the Xbox 360. However, this still did not add up though, until his 300-pound friend came back from the fridge with another beer. I told they should play Call of Duty instead.

I guess the Moral of the story is that you should not invite your chubby friends to play Kinect in your upstairs apartment even though you might think they need the exercise. Rather, tell them to eat a salad every now and then! I know even McDonalds sells them now.
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Trick Play Touchdown

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Nov 082010

Trick Play Touchdown – Watch more Funny Videos

Male Date Drug Warning

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Oct 182010

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-drug on the market called “Beer”.

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles and cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that “something bad” occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their youth, health, or life’s savings in a familiar scam known as “a relationship”… In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as “marriage”.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this “Beer” scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the phone book.